Friday, July 17, 2009

What Does it Mean When Men Only Text?

 In the last few months, i have had several friends that have met men on They all seem to have one thing in common:  after several dates, they like to touch base with them during the week by sending them a text messages to their cell phone! Although they appreciate them thinking about them in the middle of the day, at what point is it appropriate to expect a 5--10 minute phone call a few times a week? Is it too early in the dating process for phone contact? How are you supposed to progress the relationship if you never "touch-base" by actually speaking to or seeing each other? Is this typical of people you meet on line? 

Well, there are many opinions on this... 

Firstly, I think text messaging is appropriate for a short sweet message to tell someone you are running late, where to find you if lost in a crowd or a note to pick up something from the store.  All other messages should be banned. Why you ask? Because there’s no context, tone, voice, or facial expressions to modify your message. The next thing you know, you’re having a vicious argument that could have been easily avoided in person. Plus you have a transcript to commemorate it! You’re encouraged to misspell, you’re discouraged from saying anything deep or meaningful. 

Some say, "Essentially, texting is emailing for the lazy, illiterate and mobile. You send a text when you don’t want to talk to someone, but you want to let them know you’re thinking of them. And what can be more flattering than conveying, electronically, the idea that you DON’T want to talk to the woman you’re courting? Essentially, guys across America are saying, “Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.”  And as long as you let them do it, they will continue to do it. Because texting is only enabled by the person who writes back to the text. If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you.

Understand this about men: they will usually do the least that they can to maintain their relationship. So if he can text you at 11pm on Friday night after a week of silence and then ask: “What are you doing?”, well, you get what you deserve. 

But here’s the real problem: there are women everywhere who are complete "settlers" for this crap. Maybe it’s a low self esteem thing, but as long as some desperate girl lets him get away with it, he’ll always have a low-maintenance sexual outlet. Therefore, he’ll never feel the need to do all the heavy lifting of relationships such as “calling” and “dates”….

"But the truth is, you don’t need men who won’t call you. It’s a self-selecting process. If he’s a good man who is genuinely interested in you, he will make the kind of effort that reveals this. If five minutes on the phone is too much work for him, it speaks for itself."  

What do you want and deserve?  Will you respond to that next text?

Please comment...


  1. LOL I don't even have a phone to text with however I am one of those women who will let her man know up front the rules for dating me and if he doesn't want to conform to said rules then I have no time for him.

  2. I dated a guy for 7 months and within that 7 months, he called me 5 times. Needless to say, the effort was minimal and actions speak volumes. We're no longer together because he's having a midlife crisis...PLEASE GROW UP!!

  3. What if you've been in a relationship with a man who is 10 years older (He's 50). He calls and sees you everyday, but whenever there's occasional conflict in the relationship, he withdrawals (sometimes for a day or two or more), and will resort to only texting? Please, I need honest advice. Thank you in advance.